CrossFit came to me little over a year ago at exactly the right time. When a dear friend of mine called me to tell me about her new found love, CrossFit St. Charles, I was searching for something beyond the desire to be thin and I didn’t know it yet. When I started CrossFit a little over a year ago I was on a path to healing and I didn’t know that either. I had just lost a pregnancy for the second time, one for which my husband and I had wanted and waited for a long time. I was hating my body. I was angry at it for what it was unable to do for me…angry for the way it let me down. I had tried running, but in all honesty I was running to punish my body for its inadequacies. After about the 4th phone call in two months from my friend begging me to try out CrossFit, I finally did my intro with Kim. I was really…well…disturbed by the work I walked in on at 7pm on a Tuesday night. These people looked insane! I wasn’t sure I wanted to be a part of this, but Kim is magnetic and giving. I left with her shoes and her books and knew I’d be back. After about a month of telling myself that my body didn’t deserve a gym membership more than $19.99/month, my husband and dear friend convinced me to stop talking about going back and just go.
Like many women, along with the frustration for my recent defeats I carried a lifelong loathing of my not so skinny and not so cellulite-free body. I committed to three months at CrossFit St. Charles, two days a week. It turns out that two days a week can change you. After about a month of CrossFit the distaste I had for my own body started to fade. I began to accomplish goals and hit new gains. The first real goal I set was to climb a rope, with Alex standing underneath ready to catch me (I was sure I was going to crush him) I climbed a rope! I feel so much pride for the work I’ve done! I actually feel affection and appreciation toward my body! Even with its cellulite and extra love handles.
Although a hard habit to break, these days I’ve almost completely stopped talking about what’s wrong with my body. When I talk about my physical appearance it’s to say how proud I am of new muscle. Instead of complaining about clothing by saying “I wish I was a smaller size”, I now say “These jeans just don’t get me. Those people who make Target jeans don’t understand us girls with badass quads.” When I talk about my physical limitations.. well… I don’t talk about the things I can’t do, because although I can’t back squat 200lbs yet I’m coming for it.
To Be continued…
